My breakup was BAD – I mean bad and real ugly. I didn’t see it coming. As a matter of fact, I had gone through a pretty bad pregnancy and gave birth to my second child. By the time he was born, I couldn’t even walk for about a month because I was in so much pain from a dislocated pelvis.
Being off work and having my second child, I was receiving maternity benefits – barely anything to live off of. When my son was 10 months, my husband told me he wanted out.
Can you imagine what that’s like? Having a 10 old month baby, a daughter who just turned 5 and facing being a single parent?
I was shocked and horrified and extremely devastated. I couldn’t eat for days. My fear of being faced with being a single income parent and the future of my children caused me to beg him for weeks to reconsider, but to no avail. I tried to convince him to change his mind, asked for us to go to counseling, went to the library to get books to help us, showed him what the stats are on kids and divorce, promise I would do whatever it took to make him happy, dropped all what I was doing to give him my full and undivided attention but nothing worked.
Why? I didn’t realize then that trying to go against the will of someone actually trigger them to move away from you even further. Begging is repulsive and unattractive. I thought that I was doing the right thing to want to save my marriage at all cost. I didn’t want a broken family.
What I should have done when I heard the news was to immediately book a trip and take a vacation alone to sort out what my life would be after this kind of shock. This sort of behavior – moving away from someone who wants to move away from you – is what actually works to build one’s confidence and self respect after hearing this kind of news and in some relationships pulls the drifting partner back in.
You have to mirror your partner’s behavior. No trapping. Your attitude must be, “Whatever you want to do, do it.” If he/she wants to move out of your home, let go. If he/she wants a divorce, be the first to file. If he/she wants to see other people, start going out on dates. Do exactly what your partner wants to do and it will reveal to you the truth of what is really in your partner’s heart. It will also cause you to take the high road instead of living like a beggar on the streets – begging someone to love you.
Your conscious mind won’t be able to wrap itself around this but it’s what you actually need to force yourself to do. There’s no guarantee that you will save your relationship but because I’ve been there, I know that if you continue begging you could lose yourself.
Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help you become more attractive, happier and secure when faced with a breakup. Learn how to do what actually works for you instead of against you. Get instant download at www.whenyourpartnerwantsout.com
What To Do When You're Facing A Breakup
What I learned from my Marriage Breakup Part 1
After processing my marriage breakup - which was a really bad and ugly one that so floored me I literally thought I would go under - I came to realize a number of things. The marriage that I tried to save for months was what I used to DEFINE me.
See buried within my subconscious were the feelings of inferiority and low self worth. These scripts were planted inside by events that happened in my childhood. When I met my ex-husband, I was really arrogant but deep within, I didn't believe that I was worthy of unconditional love and I think on some level I carried this with me for years.
So when he wanted out of the marriage, all of my fears of being unworthy came to the surface which made me pursue him and did everything to try to save the marriage. I acted like a complete doormat by begging, whining, trying to convince him to change his mind, appeasing, wrote letters - it was pitiful to say the least. The breakup was a wakeup in that it revealed my need to learn to love myself in an unconditional way.
Looking back, I am completely ashamed of my actions because now I know that I do not derserve someone who cannot love me - I deserve better.
You may be right where I was and I hope that you will come to understand that true self love and respect is the key to breaking the chains of begging. You were born for greatness and you deserve someone who will love you and never let you go.
Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help you become happier and more secure. Get instant download at http://www.whenyourpartnerwantsout.com/
How To Shock Your EX
There’s nothing sweeter than earning a certain level of success then having your EX hear how well you are doing. Especially if you were the one who was dumped. It just rocks!
When you were together, family and friends knew you as a couple. Whatever you achieved together, you both got credit for. But now you have a whole new identity – you.
I nag quit a bit in my articles. One of my pet peeve is knowing that people are doing desperate acts to try and get someone to love them. A breakup can be so devastating that it can cause you to act like a disgraceful beggar. But when you are able to get some common sense, you will understand that you were not born to beg.
The way to transform yourself is to focus on rebuilding your damaged self esteem. Getting dumped does a lot of damage to one’s self-confidence. When you fall in love with yourself, you will be a brand new person.
Come up with a plan on how you will do this. For me, it was signing up for all sorts of activities at my local parks and recreation department and pursuing personal growth. I took everything from salsa to co-ed sports and read tones of books. Every time I would leave my classes, I felt like I’m on fire.
Getting out may not be something that you feel like doing, but the alternate is to sit at home and waste away. Start by creating a lifestyle much different from the one you used to have. Set up healthy boundaries between you and your EX like not calling or trying to be friends. There’s no such thing as being friends with someone who dumps you.
Then follow your dreams. What are your passion and goals? Begin with an idea, thought, hobby and build from there.
Maybe you want to work harder at your job to get a promotion or you’ve always wanted to lose weight or own your own home. Anything is possible.
Do not ever let a breakup define you. You must be the master of your own life and the captain of your ship. If you want to learn how to rise from beggar to success, read my e-book, “What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out.” – written to help you soar!
Nicole Gayle is the author of the e-book, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help you become happier, secure and successful. Get instant download at www.whenyourpartnerwantsout.com
