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True Happiness Starts Within

When it comes to your breakup or marriage crisis, happiness maybe the last thing on your mind. Our culture teaches us that by and large, happiness is based on being in a relationship with someone who makes us feel good. So we have a huge majority of individuals leaving decent relationship in pursuit of happiness. We often believe that the grass is always greener on the other side.

What they fail to include is that true happiness starts from within. More than likely, your partner does not have true happiness within which has nothing to do with you. If you don't agree, take a look at your partners behavior and see how he/she responds to you during and/or after the breakup. Happy people don't blame other people for not being happy, they don't cheat on other people, they are not abusive, bitter, resentful, selfish, nor self centered. Happy people are kind and at peace with themselves. When you "get" what I'm saying here, you will have no time to take all of the blame for the breakup.

It works like this: As human beings, we are creators. The chair that you are sitting on came from an idea. The person who invented the chair found the proper parts to put it together so that we can actually "see" what he was thinking all along. In fact, the chair came from within the creator, the chair was not outside of him.

This is a basic example, but when you are able to fully understand this principle, it will change your life. You will see that you have within you the ability to create anything that you wish to manifest into reality and that nothing on the outside can control how you feel.

Our thoughts are actually creating our feelings but we have control over our thoughts and we are able to shape our thoughts by what we say out loud.

You may be facing the most difficult crisis in your life but it is worth it to create the level of happiness that you want and it is not based on what your partner or EX does. It is what you do that counts. Get happy right now. When you are able to do so, everything in your life will elevate itself to the level that you have grown to.

Nicole Gayle is the Author of the e-book, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," - get instant download and create the happiness that you deserve at

How to emotionally divorce your EX or drifting partner

Attachments are usually formed when there are positive emotions between two lovers but when a relationship is in crisis or a partner has left, it is important to know how to cope with negative emotions.

The best coping strategy is counterintuitive. Your emotions will want to hold on inspite of what you may hear or see. Faced with the truth, you may try to protect "what you have" by reacting from panic but this rarely works. Reacting from shock and panic will cause you to lose your power.

The news of someone leaving or the sight of a drifting partner will cause an imbalance of power in the relationship. Power imbalances in relationships are unhealthy and can only lead to dysfunction.

When you choose to emotionally divorce your EX or drifting partner you cut him/her off from your emotions so that you do not keep bleeding. If you keep the attachment, you are holding onto a fantasy which will only cause you more pain because of unmet needs. More than likely you are holding your partner responsible for your happiness and no one can make you happy but YOU.

Begin by setting up boundaries for yourself and cut yourself off from the dead energy that is causing you so much pain. When I decided to also emotionally check out, I just did not care anymore and this attitude helped me a great deal to becoming the best woman I have ever been. I thought I had true love but I did not. True love is the ability to love yourself enough to not settle for someone who does not deserve you.

Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out." Get it now at

Just Breakup? Why You Need to Leave Your EX alone

You may be ranting and raving about how utterly selfish, cold and/or calculating your partner was when he wanted out of your relationship and there may be a lot of truth to your side of the story. When people feel trapped, they will often make very selfish and self centered decisions by placing their needs before the needs of anyone else.

Take that as a hint that you need to put your own needs first by leaving your EX alone. Rejection is never easy and begging for a second chance is hateful and disgraceful to your own soul.

Here are some reasons why you need to leave your partner alone:

1.You don't have the right to violate someone else's will. In other words, if you manipulate, there will be consequences.

2.It is clear that your relationship is broken. Accept truth and refuse to live in denial.

3.Your relationship was probably not all you're thinking it was. If you really pull back, you'll see
that more than likely you weren't happy either.

4.If your partner left you for someone else, then you shouldn't betray yourself by wanting him back.

5.You did not have true love, if it was, it would last.

6.Your partner most likely was not the right person for you to begin with no matter how long you were together.

7.Chasing your EX is a dysfunctional behavior. 8.He already knows you want him back and he doesn't care.

9.You can take responsibility for living a great life.

10.You are better than that and you deserve more.

Aside from all of the above, you need to heal and this takes time. A breakup is much like a loss and you will go through the stages of grieving over what you had and what you lost. Everyone deals with loss in their own way but it if said that it can take up to 18 months to totally flush it out of your system.

Surround yourself with family and friends to help you through this difficult time as well as get yourself some personal counseling. Healing is about detachment. When you are able to detach and disconnect, the longing you are feeling for your EX will be gone. When this happens, you will feel like you want to climb Mount Everest. I've been there and now I feel so much sexier than I've ever felt in my entire life.

Good riddance!

Nicole Gayle is the Author of the e-book, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," - this e-book is not for everyone, it is for people who want to learn the secrets to becoming more attractive, happier, and secure. If this describes you, go to for an instant download.

Learning how to detach

It took some time for you to form an emotional attachment and bond to your partner. Now that you may be facing the end of your relationship or it's already ended, you'll need to know what to do in order feel empowered. Your Power is in your ability to detach.

When you are attached, your emotions are involved and usually our emotions serve us in many great ways. But having to deal with a breakup is difficult and your emotions will want to react from the patterns that you learned in your relationship.

I didn't realize how much I depended on my ex-husband emotionally until he left. When we were together, I would consult him before making many decisions. After he left, I no longer had a partner with whom to make decisions.

When you detach, you literally have to deal with it like dealing with a withdrawal from a substance. You will have symptoms like thinking about him/her all day long, appeasing, wishing you were still together, hoping that your partner still finds you attractive, or finding reasons to stay in touch. But the more you hang on, the worse you will feel because your relationship no longer supports your emotional world.

Detach by cutting contact with your drifting partner or ex and allow your emotions to pay the price instead of your self esteem. If you continue to give into your feelings by trying to convince someone to be with you, you will end up eventually losing yourself completely. If you are continually rejected, it will cause you to feel like nothing.

Pull back until you're able to function without the emotional validation of your partner while seeking the support and guidance from people who love and care about your well-being. When you give yourself time for this to take place, you will begin to feel empowered and more secure.

Get instant download of my e-book, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help you become more successful at finding emotional freedom.

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You Can’t Make Your Partner Stay by Begging

Facing a breakup feels devastating. I’ve been there. You have feelings of loss, fear, hopelessness along with feeling like you’ve failed. My husband wanted out of our marriage of 8 years when our second child was only 10 months old.

I was completely caught off guard. I thought we had alot going for us. We had even began trying for a third child. I begged him to stay, change his mind, rethink, go to counseling. All of the classic groveling techniques that only rendered me even more powerless in the face of rejection.

My pregnancy was very difficult and after our son was born, I couldn’t walk. I had a dislocated pelvis which sometimes happens to women during pregnancy. I was also on maternity benefits – not much to survive on as I was faced with being a single parent.

I told him to go after three weeks of writing love letters, chasing him, trying to get him to think about our family because he was determined to go.

Strangely enough, I was ok with him gone until a bombshell confession. I learned that he began seeing a woman only three weeks after leaving.

I felt destroyed because he had promised me that he just felt that he needed to go because he was not happy and that he was not seeing anyone nor had anyone in mind, so I believed him and respected his need to go figure things out.

This made me feel so dishonored and disrespected as a woman and brought me into a vicious dysfunctional roller coaster and I would go back and forth with desiring for us to be together and would do so even after what I thought was an “innocent mistake.”

But love can only be built on foundations like honesty, integrity, trust, truth, and shared values. If you have been faced with a breakup, know that you deserve more than begging and you deserve someone who will love you with all of the passion and truth that you were born to experience.

Facing a breakup? Get instant help at

What To Do When You're Facing A Breakup

My breakup was BAD – I mean bad and real ugly. I didn’t see it coming. As a matter of fact, I had gone through a pretty bad pregnancy and gave birth to my second child. By the time he was born, I couldn’t even walk for about a month because I was in so much pain from a dislocated pelvis.

Being off work and having my second child, I was receiving maternity benefits – barely anything to live off of. When my son was 10 months, my husband told me he wanted out.

Can you imagine what that’s like? Having a 10 old month baby, a daughter who just turned 5 and facing being a single parent?

I was shocked and horrified and extremely devastated. I couldn’t eat for days. My fear of being faced with being a single income parent and the future of my children caused me to beg him for weeks to reconsider, but to no avail. I tried to convince him to change his mind, asked for us to go to counseling, went to the library to get books to help us, showed him what the stats are on kids and divorce, promise I would do whatever it took to make him happy, dropped all what I was doing to give him my full and undivided attention but nothing worked.

Why? I didn’t realize then that trying to go against the will of someone actually trigger them to move away from you even further. Begging is repulsive and unattractive. I thought that I was doing the right thing to want to save my marriage at all cost. I didn’t want a broken family.

What I should have done when I heard the news was to immediately book a trip and take a vacation alone to sort out what my life would be after this kind of shock. This sort of behavior – moving away from someone who wants to move away from you – is what actually works to build one’s confidence and self respect after hearing this kind of news and in some relationships pulls the drifting partner back in.

You have to mirror your partner’s behavior. No trapping. Your attitude must be, “Whatever you want to do, do it.” If he/she wants to move out of your home, let go. If he/she wants a divorce, be the first to file. If he/she wants to see other people, start going out on dates. Do exactly what your partner wants to do and it will reveal to you the truth of what is really in your partner’s heart. It will also cause you to take the high road instead of living like a beggar on the streets – begging someone to love you.

Your conscious mind won’t be able to wrap itself around this but it’s what you actually need to force yourself to do. There’s no guarantee that you will save your relationship but because I’ve been there, I know that if you continue begging you could lose yourself.

Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help you become more attractive, happier and secure when faced with a breakup. Learn how to do what actually works for you instead of against you. Get instant download at

What I learned from my Marriage Breakup Part 1

After processing my marriage breakup - which was a really bad and ugly one that so floored me I literally thought I would go under - I came to realize a number of things. The marriage that I tried to save for months was what I used to DEFINE me.

See buried within my subconscious were the feelings of inferiority and low self worth. These scripts were planted inside by events that happened in my childhood. When I met my ex-husband, I was really arrogant but deep within, I didn't believe that I was worthy of unconditional love and I think on some level I carried this with me for years.

So when he wanted out of the marriage, all of my fears of being unworthy came to the surface which made me pursue him and did everything to try to save the marriage. I acted like a complete doormat by begging, whining, trying to convince him to change his mind, appeasing, wrote letters - it was pitiful to say the least. The breakup was a wakeup in that it revealed my need to learn to love myself in an unconditional way.

Looking back, I am completely ashamed of my actions because now I know that I do not derserve someone who cannot love me - I deserve better.

You may be right where I was and I hope that you will come to understand that true self love and respect is the key to breaking the chains of begging. You were born for greatness and you deserve someone who will love you and never let you go.

Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help you become happier and more secure. Get instant download at

How To Shock Your EX

There’s nothing sweeter than earning a certain level of success then having your EX hear how well you are doing. Especially if you were the one who was dumped. It just rocks!

When you were together, family and friends knew you as a couple. Whatever you achieved together, you both got credit for. But now you have a whole new identity – you.

I nag quit a bit in my articles. One of my pet peeve is knowing that people are doing desperate acts to try and get someone to love them. A breakup can be so devastating that it can cause you to act like a disgraceful beggar. But when you are able to get some common sense, you will understand that you were not born to beg.

The way to transform yourself is to focus on rebuilding your damaged self esteem. Getting dumped does a lot of damage to one’s self-confidence. When you fall in love with yourself, you will be a brand new person.

Come up with a plan on how you will do this. For me, it was signing up for all sorts of activities at my local parks and recreation department and pursuing personal growth. I took everything from salsa to co-ed sports and read tones of books. Every time I would leave my classes, I felt like I’m on fire.

Getting out may not be something that you feel like doing, but the alternate is to sit at home and waste away. Start by creating a lifestyle much different from the one you used to have. Set up healthy boundaries between you and your EX like not calling or trying to be friends. There’s no such thing as being friends with someone who dumps you.

Then follow your dreams. What are your passion and goals? Begin with an idea, thought, hobby and build from there.

Maybe you want to work harder at your job to get a promotion or you’ve always wanted to lose weight or own your own home. Anything is possible.

Do not ever let a breakup define you. You must be the master of your own life and the captain of your ship. If you want to learn how to rise from beggar to success, read my e-book, “What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out.” – written to help you soar!

Nicole Gayle is the author of the e-book, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help you become happier, secure and successful. Get instant download at