Email Newsletter icon, E-mail Newsletter icon, Email List icon, E-mail List icon Sign up for my FREE Email Newsletter
For Email Marketing you can trust

Subscribe via email

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner

Handle your drifting partner with tough love

Your relationship may be in a crisis and you may feel as though you are about to lose everything. You may want to try to save it by reasoning with your partner, promising to change, begging, or telling him/her “I love you” consistently hoping that this will help to convince your partner to stay.

If you’re feeling hopeless because you’ve tried everything, maybe you haven’t tried “Tough Love.” This is about taking a stand without pursuing or tolerating blatant disrespect.

What will get his/her attention is when you make it known that you also agree that the relationship has come to a crossroads then act as if you will be OK if he/she leaves. Say something like, “If you want to go, its fine by me. We’ve had some good times. I really love you and I will miss you. I will be OK.” It's up to you what method you use to communicate this but it must be done with confidence.

The fear of losing will creep inside and you may even get angry at yourself or your drifting partner but it is only because you believe that if you hold onto him/her you will eventually convince your partner about how truly valuable your relationship is.

So your mind will try to keep you in pain by giving you all of the reasons why telling your partner to go will hurt you more. The truth is, it will hurt you more if you keep holding on. You will lose your dignity and self respect.

When you let go, you have the possibility of winning your partner back. But it won’t happen until you let go.

Because holding on will cause you to react from your own pain. When you react from your own pain (doing things like: begging, whining, complaining, criticizing, promising to change etc.) your pain will repel your partner instead of draw him/her to you.

So you need to take a stand by having the attitude of, “It doesn’t matter what happens from here, I will be OK. I will not beg someone to want me.” Draw the line, live with conviction, and do it with guts.

When you do, do not go back to being the convincer or pursuer. You will not be taken seriously. This is why your words and actions must match.

Your emotions may want to sabotage by going back into self pity. Self pity will cause you to act desperate, needy and clingy. Your partner will subconsciously pity you and this is not what you want. You want to appear confident and happy in spite of your partners’ actions. You may be hurting and it quite normal to feel depressed, devastated etc. but you must carry yourself with confidence and respect.

Keep your power and remain unmoved in the midst of it all. You’re stronger than you think!

Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What To Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help you find emotional freedom while dealing with your breakup. Get instant download now at

Top 20 Tips for Dealing with Your Breakup

1. Accept your partners decision.

2. Share responsibility for the breakdown of your relationship. Including asking for forgiveness if appropriate.
3. If you share living spaces, move out as quickly as possible or ask your partner to leave.
4. If you share financial responsibilities, take care of this ASAP by making an appointment with
a financial adviser at your local bank.
5. Get yourself some personal counseling.

6. Cease all contact:

  • Do not send emails.
  • Do not call.
  • Do not send text messages.
  • Try to avoid places where you might see him/her.
  • Do not arrange to meet up with your ex or suggest going out as friends.
  • If your ex has already moved out, do not arrange to go to his/her new place.

7. Do not develop a co-dependent relationship with your ex. Get active and explore new interests.

8. There is no such thing as being friends if you’re still emotionally attached.

9. Don’t self hate or spiral into massive self pity.

10. If you are to meet with your ex for some reason like talking about child care arrangements, look your best and keep it brief.

11. Always try to appear happy and confident even if you are chopped up inside.

12. Don’t go there by trying to talk about the relationship:

  • Do not promise you will change.
  • Do not beg for him/her to come back to be with you.
  • Do not try to get him/her to go to counseling.
  • Do not buy him/her gifts for ANY special occasion or to show how much you care.
  • Do not try to reason with your ex.

13. Don’t drag your family or friends in the middle of it unless you are being abused/harmed.

14. Do not have angry outbursts or take revenge. If you are insulted, stand up for yourself and refuse to tolerate disrespect. Tip: change your contact information if you have to.

15. Do not snoop around in his/her things or stalk your ex. Don’t try to hack into his/her email or go through mail.

16. If your breakup was the result of infidelity, you may have legal recourse if your ex files for divorce.

17. If you have children, make them your #1 priority. Nurture them by spending extra time doing the things they love. Do not rebound into a relationship and introduce your children to your new fling. Your children dont need that. They will be emotionally devastated but may show signs of this in different ways. Watch out for signs that your kids may need to seek counseling.

18. If you bump into your ex use this technique: Say hello, count to 10, then wave bye-bye.

19. Know your rights if you are married. Don't bury your head in the sand and make decisions like you did as a couple.

20. If you’re using food as comfort, then it’s time to stop masking your pain while gaining extra calories.

Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What To Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help you find emotional freedom while dealing with your breakup. Get instand download at

Reinvent Yourself when dealing with your breakup

Are you being a tired, old, predictable slob? Do something radical with yourself. Let the whole world know that you can still shine.

Talking means nothing; attitude is everything. Reinvention means that you need to come up to another level - with such a difference in your character that you are no longer recognizable by your partner and you give the world your best gift.

Your partner has come to know how you carry yourself, from dressing, to eating, to what you like, to how you will answer when your buttons are pushed.

Create some much needed “BOOM” between your partners decision and yourself. It will do wonders for your self-esteem and send a very strong message that you can get on with your own life and you don’t need this person in order to survive.

No one wants to be around a crying, whining, blob. Yes, you have feelings and emotions, and I know that you really want your partner to understand how you are hurting. Well, he/she can’t hear you, and probably doesn’t really care. It may make you feel angry to read this but, if this person cared, s/he would show it. Your partner may not (or cannot) understand how utterly devastated you are.

Stop making excuses for yourself. You can’t try to make him/her understand. Get a new lease on your life. Do not live in denial; you will only hurt yourself more. You are born to create, so invent something new. Do something great - just don't sit there and wallow. Become bigger and better than ever. Right from where you are, in the midst of this—just do it! Become unstoppable.

If you don’t have a vision for your life, get one. You cannot afford for this to define you. This event is your pre-requisite so act like a superstar, not a sore loser. Be somebody; act like you got it all baby! Because you do. You’re only in a position to gain. If you cannot get your mind around this, your partner will continue to have you wrapped around his/her finger. This is not how you want to live your life, is it?

Be yourself, not a fake. Become stronger and more alive than ever. Your energy should communicate, "This is me and I'm the best thing that has EVER happened to me."

Now go out and do it with a smile!

Nicole Gayle is the author of "What To Do When Your Partner Wants Out," an ebook written to help you deal with your breakup. Get an instant download now at

Want to save your relationship?

Lay it on the line. Be bold, daring, and willing to know where your relationship stand based on what you want, not based on what your drifting partner wants. If you want XYZ and your partner wants ABC, then the decision is already made based on what you want.

Many people negotiate a relationship based on the needs of their partner while placing their own needs secondary. If you’re willing to stand up and say, "Hey, I really love you and we’ve shared some great times together, but it appears we want different things so I think it’s best that we go our separate ways" - this takes guts.

In order to go there, you have to believe in yourself, know what your goals are, and you must be willing to risk losing the one who may or may not be right for you in order to get what you want. Don’t try to hang on to something by trying to change how someone else feels like the majority of people do.

Or be a Super Hero by trying to bring what you want and what your partner wants together. If it’s not working, move on and do so without attitude or making your partner feel guilty for not meeting your needs.

You’d be surprised what could happen when you’re willing to walk away. This will let you know exactly what your relationship is made of. Does your partner really love you? Is he/she willing to fight for your relationship or did you just release him/her from having to be a prisoner in your relationship?

Tough questions to face because we all have the universal need to feel loved and accepted but it is better to be thought of as someone who stood up for themselves, having confidence in the desire to eventually get what you want by not accepting anything less.

And if in the end your relationship did not go to the next level, there’s really no loss to you because it was not made of the tough stuff anyways. You would have saved yourself a lot of energy and possible years of being with the wrong person because you have different goals for where you believe your relationship should go.

Nicole Gayle is the author of "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," an ebook written to help you find emotional freedom in the midst of your breakup. Get instand download now at

Breakup Sex

If you and your ex had a very hot and steamy sex life, more than likely you are missing the intimate times that you both shared.

And if you dare think that giving your ex some real good loving will make him/her want you back, you are making a huge mistake.

The sex may be hotter since you both have been apart but the only one who will be on fire is you. You will burn with regret. Your emotions will once again be thrown like a screeching rat in front of a cat because of the imbalance of power in your relationship.

You can’t use sex to make your ex stay. It will cheapen your worth and make your ex subconsciously believe that you are trash. On a physical level, your ex may enjoy the sex but on a more deeper level, he/she will actually think that you are a desperate psycho who will use sex to get what you want, "Would you please have that one carefully examined?"

Your ex will be less attracted to you because he/she is wanting out of your relationship and you are using the sex card to keep it. Who can respect anyone like that?

The reason why you shouldn’t go there is because your relationship goes back to base when someone announces that he/she wants out of it. This means that your ex is now a virtual stranger to you and you wouldn’t give sex to a stranger would you?

It’s like someone who uses sex for money. This is low class. Someone can be physically attracted to you but that does not mean they have an emotional connection. Your ex no longer has an emotional connection to you that is why your relationship broke up. He/she no longer found you attractive on an emotional level. Well...maybe the only connection left is he/she don’t mind having you as an ex with benefits.

You can’t use sex to secure your relationship. If your relationship is not in the soul - meaning that you and your partner having a deep emotional connection - then move on to someone who has the qualities that you are looking for and for whom you can share yourself with on all levels.

Bewitched after a Breakup?

How would you like to cast a magic spell on your ex to get him/her to realize how much your relationship means to you?
Maybe you can wiggle your nose or do like what they do in the fairy tale movies in order to bind your love forever upon the heart of the one who wants to leave you.

Some people will crawl on their bellies and lay down like a doormat because they are actually bewitched with the idea of having their old relationship back.

They do things like stalking, snooping, constantly calling/sending emails/text messages, saying "I love you,", showing up at the ex’s home/work, sending gifts etc.

If you are doing any of these, this means you are spiraling out of control. Please get yourself some help.

Acting in this manner will sure enough convince your ex that you need to get your head checked and will make him/her run for cover.

No one wants to be around an insane, please don’t leave me, I’ll do anything to get you back, I promise I will change - psycho. Losing it is never pretty. You’re far more attractive when you suck it up and take the high road.

Do things like feeding your soul, going to speak to a professional, getting back into life, drawing on your support group.

If while you are looking after yourself, your ex realizes that he/she made a terrible mistake, then it is in your power to decide whether you want him/her back.

And you shouldn’t give a resounding "yes." You must have your ex thinking that you value and treasure yourself, you know what you want, and you’re not interested in wasting your time.
Make him/her wait. Give it time to see if this is what he/she wants or just feeling lonely, guilty, or what was tried didn’t work from them. The point is don’t let them come running back to you because you’re on the waiting list.
Say something like, "You know what, I really love you, but I need time to think this over." Walk away with the ball in your court and lose the magic spells because that really doesn’t work anyway.

Get Rich Quick Scheme and your Breakup

What if I told you that you could have a million dollars but you didn’t have to do anything for it? Your first reaction would probably be, “What’s the catch?”

We’re born skeptics. It’s an innate way of protecting ourselves from being taken advantage of.

When you are told that you can stop your divorce or save your relationship – it’s a quick way of selling you medicine to help you numb your pain.

People out there know that folks experiencing a breakup want to have their relationships back. It’s human nature to want to have the comfort of having someone in our lives love and care about us. It’s hard for us to lose the one we love.

And you may be in this position right now. You love your husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend, and you really want your relationship to work. There’s nothing wrong with that.

But the reason why the one you love wants to go is that your relationship is broken. So when you buy into trying to fix a broken thing without first looking at your brokenness, you take the shortcut and will more than likely end up with more brokenness.

There are many who will make you promises – because that’s what you really want to hear. You may not be ready to really face yourself. The truth is – if you want your relationship back, it has to start with you.

And this does not mean going in the direction of the person who wants to leave you. The minute you become like a leech, people will treat you that way. You know how it is in the summer with those pesky bugs.

You weren’t born to beg. You were made greatness. If you want to have great things, you must first pursue being great.

So it’s up to you, you can buy a cheap watered down version of a quick fix or you can rise to the challenge of being great.

How I made it through Christmas

When I heard that my marriage was over there was nothing really final about it until I heard about getting a divorce three weeks before Christmas.

I was temporarily emotionally disabled. At the time, if someone had slapped me, I would have never felt it.

How do you deal with your emotions when you are all twisted up inside? How do you get up again when you are feeling like a tangled mess?

My answer came in a decision to make the first Christmas of not having my family together beautiful still. It was a decision that cost me something.

I had to pay the price of embracing the truth that life was still worth living and I along with my children deserved to experience the joy of Christmas.

Am I saying that I wasn’t hurting? No, that’s not what I am saying. What I am telling you is that I made it through because I was determined to celebrate the wonder of the season and I did it while I was still chopped up inside.

I was not going to numb my pain with substitutes nor put on a clown face and pretend that I am a stone. I acknowledged that I was hurting, wept sorely and when that was over…there was still life to live.

And I couldn’t let it overcome me because I was made to rise above it all.

Have yourself a Beautiful and Joyous Christmas 2007.

Dealing with a breakup during the Holiday Season

It’s devastating to experience going through a breakup right before Christmas. It is a really big holiday which brings back memories and no one wants to feel bad during the holiday season.

Everyone wants to be merry and bright and if you’re just not feeling it, be honest, hang low but whatever you do, don’t spiral into self hatred.

No one can and should define you. Your breakup is not a definition of who you are or what you are worth. You may have done some things (behaviors) that contributed to having your partner wanting to leave your relationship or maybe your partner wanting out is really about your partner, not you. The real you is a person of value, dignity and great worth.

A lot of folks don’t get this and have allowed a breakup to define who they really are. The point is, you existed before your relationship and you are still here now so if you allow someone to tell you that the sum total of your life is based in a relationship, you will slowly spiral out of control and might end up behaving in ways that can really threatened your well-being.

A lot of people have low self worth. Attach a breakup to this and many may feel like causing themselves harm. This is self hatred. You are attaching your “self” to someone wanting and desiring you and making it the sum total of your existence as a human being.

There is one of many profound lessons that I have learned through life that I have applied while dealing with my breakup:

“If you are successful, you will have a lot of people trying to get a piece of you. They don’t want a piece of you until you have something. If you let success get to your head and believe that these people got you there, then you’re making a big mistake. Be polite while you’re on your way to the top but remember people come and people go. Don’t ever let people or success define you.”

Now this is not based in sarcasm but truth. Who you are is a creature of magnificent virtue. With this endowment comes great power: The ability to accept or reject how you will feel.

You cannot be defined by what happens to you unless you choose. Have a safe and enjoyable holiday season and all the best for the New Year!

I believe in you,

Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help you find emotional freedom in the midst of your breakup. Visit for more strategies and to read samples from her book.

Compulsion of a strange kind

Your breakup could be the biggest test of your character revealing who you really are. If you are desperate to get back with your ex or dealing with anger, you may feel compelled to act in ways that are disturbing and regrettable.

Stalking, snooping, acts of rage, signs of jealously if your ex is with someone else, and revenge are absolute no-no’s and will only put you on the most wanted list if you feel compelled to act on these behaviors.

The ugly part of you will want to come to the surface because you may feel cut up and bruised by someone no longer wanting to be with you. We all have the potential to get really ugly. We may behave nice when we are getting our way but the moment we begin to feel that we no longer have control is when things can really go from bad to worse.

People who choose to be ugly inflict their rage on others, hurting others because they are hurt. Instead of dealing with pain and finding ways to heal, they go out of control and cause devastation in the lives of others. The key dealing with your breakup is to find ways to unmask the pain in a way that rids you of it without hurting others in the process.

Deal with deep unresolved issues and find a way to move on. It will not serve you to call up your ex, nor try to contact the new person in his/her life, nor try to get back at him/her because your relationship is now over.

Your ex leaving you is no mistake. You may really want to get back together, but for what? So he/she can keep the power in the relationship and have you always feeling insecure about the possibility of walking out again?

Don’t give into compulsion and fight for yourself instead of your ex.

Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help you find emotional freedom in the midst of your breakup. Visit for more strategies and to read samples from her book.

It's Time to Take a Stand

I was recently a part of a huge audience and heard a speech from a man who was absolutely inspiring. At the end of the speech, he said bluntly, "For once in your life, stand for something."

I thought, "Wow, what a challenge!"

Maybe you’re busy placing all of your energy on nursing your broken heart. No doubt you need time to heal and adjust. But sooner or later you’ve got to get to the place where you take a stand.

And taking a stand does not mean trying to get back with your ex. Forget about "save your relationship" tactics that people try to sell you in books or online. A lot of folks know that you are vulnerable and will try to take advantage of you having a broken heart. You cannot save a relationship when someone chooses to leave it, you can only create a new one. Saving a relationship from pain will only cause more pain. Fix the hole in your soul first.

If you are drowning in self pity asking, "why me?" over and over, looking at pictures of your ex, playing the songs you used to listen to together, talking about him/her to your friends, wondering what you can say or do to get him/her back, it’s time to stop!

It’s time to stand up for yourself. Out with the old and in with the new - the new you, that is. Be a leader, have courage, take control and get a new lease on life.

Your emotions don’t want to hear this and if you are in love with your "self pity" then you may be thinking that I should just shut up.

But this sort of thinking is pathetic. Because you are basically giving up on yourself when you choose to remain at the mercies of your ex.

And I don’t want you to give up on yourself, so I’m being blunt with you. Get your butt off of that couch, get out of the hole, throw away the kleenex, ice cream, rebound relationship, anything that resembles the life you used to have and take a stand!

It’s your time.

Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help you find emotional freedom in the midst of your breakup. Visit for more strategies and read samples from the book.

The Seed of an equivalent or greater benefit.

If you've ever watched The Secret, you may remember this statement, "Every adversity, every failure and every heartache carries with it the Seed of an equivalent or a greater Benefit."

How is that possible? How can your crisis have a greater benefit?

A seed when it is planted in the ground, actually dies before it comes back to life - it has to go though a process in order to transform into something of an even greater value. When you begin to see beyond your pain, you will realize that your relationship breakup may have taken place to serve you.

When I was wallowing in the mud, I didn't want to hear anyone tell me that it will work for my benefit. I didn't want to be the seed that has to be transformed into something greater. I actually resented hearing it because I was not ready to grow.

When you are ready to break through the earth, everything that you need will come to your attention - the one you love may have left you or wanting to leave, but you are given the tools to seize the opportunity to discover the "greater benefit."

Your breakup could just be the wakeup to your rebirth.

Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help you find emotional freedom in the midst of your relationship breakup. Visit for more strategies and to read samples from her book.

Been There. Done That. Now I want some Ice Cream!

I don't know anyone who does not like ice cream. It's a cold treat that can be eaten anytime of year especially when you turn it into a Sundae adding goodies like fruits and nuts.

When was the last time you had some ice cream, i.e., When was the last time you looked on the bright side?

Getting up and enjoying life is easier said than done. It takes more guts to pull against your own emotions that may be trying to squeeze every ounce of self pity out of you to rise, grow to the next level, and thrive.

An ice cream does not care who holds just likes to be eaten. Life does not care who lives just likes to be lived.

Do something different today like having an ice cream, savor the moment, eat it because you love the taste, not because your life is wasting away.

When someone leaves you, your life still remains to be LIVED.


Nicole Gayle is the author of "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," an ebook written to help you find emotional freedom in the midst of your relationship breakup. Visit to learn even more strategies and to read samples from her book.

To SAVE the Day

One of the many reasons people give for wanting to save their relationship when a partner wants out is they don’t want to feel like they too have given up on the relationship. Faced with losing your identity of no longer being a couple, you could be trying to hold your relationship together.

Hearing the news of someone you love wanting to leave you is devastating. When this happens, You may feel like a failure and experience anger, depression, feeling abandoned and rejected. Because the relationship is slipping away, you may try to “grab” at it with saving tactics that will cause you to feel more like a failure.

When you grab at someone who wants to move in another direction, you will get friction. The leaving partner may get angrier and the pleading partner may eventually lose dignity and self respect.

So why don’t I advocate trying to SAVE your relationship?

Simply, you should at this point try to save yourself. Be brave enough to face the reasons within you that contributed to having a failed relationship. You cannot build on a poor foundation.

More than likely, you have already communicated to your partner that you want your relationship back. You both know where you stand. You are on opposite ends and the only power you have is to work on you. Accept that you only have power over yourself. Your partner may or may not decide to return.

I have read about many who try to “work” on a relationship by trying to do everything in their power to pull the leaving partner back in. This often backfires because it triggers the leaving partner to pity the pleading partner. When this happens, the pleading partner will appear less attractive. Strength like acceptance is attractive and weakness like begging repels.

The greatest influence you may have over your partner is when you do nothing. Something like, “So you want to leave?” OK, wish you all the best.” Can’t tell you how good it feels when you get to the place where you’re OK with it.

If you try to gain points by “SAVING” the day, more than likely, you will end up losing yourself and pushing your partner even further away.

Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help you find emotional freedom in the midst of your relationship breakup.Visit for more strategies and to read samples from her book.

Dealing With Blatant or Residual Anger

When I was faced with the news of my ex-husband wanting out of our 8 year marriage, the thoughts that were racing through my mind were, “I cannot believe what I am hearing.” Then came, “I can’t believe this is happening to me. I don’t want this!” Followed by, “We HAVE to do everything to make this work!”

I was so numb and later in the evening after everyone was in bed, I literally went into the bathroom, laid on the floor and wept. As the days and months followed, I tried everything to SAVE my relationship. As I continued to “try,” I continued feeling like a failure and this became a vicious cycle where I became less attractive, unhappy, and insecure. I was literally on the verge of losing myself.

Then the day came that I got angry. Really angry. I was angry for months. I did not permit my self to feel anger at being abandoned and rejected because I was so busy looking after my husbands feelings, trying to save my relationship, trying to not feel like more of a failure, trying to do whatever I could for my children. Believe it or not, when I gave myself permission to get angry, that was when I discovered how to truly be attractive and more secure. I began implementing a strategy that worked!

I had to feel the anger and allow it to lead me to a better place. If you have been begging, crying, whining, promising to change or doing anything to get your partner back, more than likely, all of this is taking place from weakness, not a place of strength.

When you NEED to have someone in your life in order to feel valued, it will cause you to react in ways that are unattractive. The place of strength is "desiring" without NEED.

If you have not permitted yourself to get angry, you may be in denial. Experience the pain. Don’t cover it up and hide in the arms of a rebound relationship or in the safety of the familiar.

Anger is OK as long as you allow yourself to feel and release it. There is a reason why it is there, but you NEED to let it serve you.

You may have moved past needing the validation of your partner. But every now and then the pain of being abandoned comes crashing back to the surface threatening to engulf you. Sometimes our emotions hold us hostage and demand that we obey them.

And you may be tempted to move towards your partner once again - back into the arms of the familiar. Until you elevate yourself to another level, everything you do will be done from a place that I call the "SWAMP."

I've been there. When I realized that I was made to live in the Castle, that was when I was truly free. I was no longer ruled by my emotions and no longer tried to bargain with my spouse.

O what a feeling!

Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help you find emotional freedom in the midst of your relationship breakup.
Visit for more strategies and to read samples from her book.

Still Trying to "SAVE" your relationship?

I hear over and over of well meaning folks who try to "SAVE" their relationships when their partners want out. I have been there. When I learned what works, I was transformed into a more attractive, happy, and secure person right in the middle of my 8 year marriage breakup.

I believe in LOVE. I believe in forever and I am not an advocate of easy divorce(when couples are married).

However, when someone you love want to leave, the best thing you can do to become more attractive is by having a nonchalant, "I don't care" attitude about it.

When you no longer "need" to have something or someone validate you, you operate with power - you were meant to live there, not being a prisoner of "NEED."

Good intentions translate into desperation and you will no doubt repel your partner by begging him/her to stay.

Even if you are hurting, you've got to ACT like you've got confidence until confidence comes within. Many take the easy road of living in their partner's "wanting out" world instead of creating their own.

You must convert your pain into something of a much greater significance....and that is never giving up on you. You give up on yourself when you try to trap someone into being with you.

We've all been dumped at one point and sometimes it take a long time for us to bounce back. The quickest way to shine is to move AWAY from your partner...doesn't matter how the breakup happened.

Don't ever give up on yourself. Learn how to become more confident and unstoppable in the midst of your breakup. It is possible!

I believe in you,

Nicole Gayle is the author of ebook, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help you find emotional freedom in the midst of your relationship breakup. Visit to learn even more strategies and read samples from her ebook.

Your Emotions Can't Understand This!

Overwhelmed by the feelings of being rejected and abandoned when a partner wants out, we usually try to do everything to keep from feeling further pain. The number one mistake many make is moving even more towards a partner when a partner is moving away.

It is not easy to deal with the pain of the end of a relationship. I read over and over how many try to save their relationships when their partners have one foot already out the door. Using traditional methods like trying to seek help for the relationship often fail.


Anything that appears to have a “saving” tactic attached to it will make you appear weak and insecure. These aren’t attractive qualities. You may believe that you are doing the right thing…and there’s no doubt that you have good intentions. Weakness and Insecurity does not have the same measure of RESPECT like Strength and Confidence.

When you try to beg, criticize, promise to change, or get family and friends involved in trying to coerce your partner to value your relationship as much as you do, you are not having respect for yourself and therefore your partner cannot respect you.

In order to be attractive, you must have respect for yourself which means agreeing with your partner’s decision to want out of your relationship – Your Emotions Can’t Understand This!

You will appear more attractive if you are strong. Allowing your emotions to pay the price of moving away from your partner will make you fair better in the long haul. You will not want to believe this because more than likely you really WANT your relationship and you may believe that you will lose more if you let go.

It doesn’t make sense to you right now but you’ve got to do what works instead of relying on your feelings. You can’t convince your feelings to agree that letting go will work the best for you.

I am by no means discounting that you need to heal from this pain because I have been where you are. Healing will not begin if you stay in the pit. Dragging yourself around at the mercies of your partner’s continual rejection will cause you to lose more of your self.

Your partner will wonder with amazement when he/she see strength in action:

  • Accepting his/her decision
  • Letting him/her go
  • Keeping your distance
  • Focusing on yourself

But many do not want t to understand these principles and why they work. They still spend hundreds or thousands of dollars trying to put life back into the end of their relationship. If you really want your partner’s respect, learn to love yourself enough to be happy with or without him/her.

When I began loving myself enough to pull away from my ex-husband, I began to feel angry, bitter and resentful. I didn’t want to be FORCED to let go. I felt that I should not have had to choose that.

But the more of me I loved, the less I wanted a relationship with him and the MORE attractive, happier and secure I felt. When I no longer NEEDED the marriage to validate my self worth, I felt like a million bucks.

I felt like a prisoner set free – free to no longer “need” and this is the place of true power. If it worked for me, it can work for you. Be the winner that you are and do what works!

Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help you find emotional freedom in the midst of your relationship breakup. Visit to learn even more strategies and read samples from her ebook.

Why Saving Your Relationship Could Harm You

When my husband of 8 years told me that he wanted out of our marriage, I was shocked and horrified. I thought everything was OK with us. I didn’t see it coming. I began trying to convince him that he should not do this to our family and nothing I was doing was working.

I felt that I was doing the “right” thing by wanting to save my marriage and I didn’t want my children to deal with the devastating effects of having their family ripped apart so I appeased, accommodated, promised to change, placed my needs last because I thought that this was what I was supposed to do.

After months of trying, a light bulb went on and I finally “got” why all of what I was doing was not working for me.

You may believe that you should do all you can to save your relationship when your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend wants out of it…..but all you may be doing could cause you to lose yourself in the process.

It’s human nature to turn away from weakness and to admire strength. When you beg, promise to change, whine, nag, get angry or threaten your partner who wants out, you will appear weak and less attractive.

It’s hard for many who are faced with the ending of their relationship to face this FACT. But more than likely, you did not manipulate your partner into having a relationship with you. So it is not in your best interest to grovel now.

Many will try to spoon feed you the idea of trying to save your relationship in the midst of your own pain. There are more than enough folks out there who will promise you that they can help you save your relationship.

The FACT is…..until you face the reasons why your relationship ended and begin reconnecting with yourself on a much deeper level, you will get nowhere.

If you take the easy road, you may end up convincing someone who no longer wants to have a relationship with you to stay. This is a gross form of manipulation and rarely works. The most valued gift we have is our free will and it usually does not take violation without a price.

The road of a true champion is to get straight with you. What is it about you that was unable to keep a thriving relationship? How did you help to CREATE the conditions for your partner to leave you?

Winners do what it takes to dig deep and build right. Holding onto the pain of rejection and abandonment will keep you in the swamp. Trying to hold something to you will actually push it further away. If you keep trying you will drive yourself further and further into self pity. You must portray that you took a whipping but you will keep on ticking.

Learn how to come up to a NEW level of confidence and you could be on your way to becoming unstoppable.

There are strategies that if followed, really work. I became more attractive, happier and more secure. I didn’t have to pay hundreds of dollars because all that I needed was actually within me. You could unleash a new way of thinking causing you to be virtually unrecognizable to your partner.

Nicole Gayle is the author of the e-book, “What to Do When Your Partner Wants out,” written to help you find emotional freedom in the midst of your relationship breakup. Visit to learn even more strategies and read samples from her book.

What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out

One of the fatal mistakes individuals make when a partner wants to leave a relationship is to try to save it. Trying to save your relationship will make you appear weak and insecure leaving your partner to have even more disrespect for you.

I am a 33 year old mom and my husband left me with our two young children just 8 years after we were married. I didn't see it coming. I was horrified. I thought that everything was ok with us. I immediately tried to convince him what a bad idea it was for him to want to leave me. I sought help online, wanted us to go to counseling, read pages and pages of books and turned to my family and friends for help. After trying for months to save my marriage, a lightbulb went on and I finally understood why what I was doing was not working for me.

Moving towards a partner is what many will instinctively do. Many will beg, manipulate, cry, whine, promise to change, try to convince he/she to go to counseling and most of these "saving" techniques will not work. Facing such a devastating time in one's life, our emotions naturally want to pull us in a direction that will lessen the pain.

If you try to move towards your partner, you will actually lose yourself. The more you focus on your partner, the less your partner will focus on you. If you focus on the relationship, your partner will turn away from it. If you focus on yourself and work on your self image and respect, you may have a renewed respect from your partner.

The best advice is to let your partner go. You may not be ready to hear this because you may believe that it is too much to lose if you give up on your relationship. More than likely you will search for help to validate your reasons for holding on. I have been there and struggled with not wanting to give up. I didn't want to give up on my family or my husband and thought that since it appeared that I was losing everything, to give up would crush me completely.

The more I held on, the more disrespect I faced and the more my self image suffered. I became a complete doormat and did what I thought were "loving" things, not knowing that this was triggering a deeper disrespect within my husband. I accommodated, gave gifts, appeased, and operated from my pain instead of from a place of self love. And after all of this, I still felt empty and my relationship with my husband was no better than it was the day he told me he wanted to go. When I decided to risk letting go, I became angry, bitter, and resentful and this cycle continued for months because deep on the inside I still wanted to fight. But after feeling all of the pain and hurt by letting go, I slowly became happier and more secure.

I was no longer on an emotional roller coaster and wrote an ebook to help people know what to do when faced with a relationship breakup.

There are strategies, that if followed, will leave you more attractive, happy, and secure. You will grow to have a new level of confidence that you've never dreamed. When you learn to do what works, you're on your way to becoming unstoppable!

Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help you find emotional freedom in the midst of your relationship breakup.
Visit to learn even more strategies and read samples from her ebook.