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Dealing with a breakup during the Holiday Season

It’s devastating to experience going through a breakup right before Christmas. It is a really big holiday which brings back memories and no one wants to feel bad during the holiday season.

Everyone wants to be merry and bright and if you’re just not feeling it, be honest, hang low but whatever you do, don’t spiral into self hatred.

No one can and should define you. Your breakup is not a definition of who you are or what you are worth. You may have done some things (behaviors) that contributed to having your partner wanting to leave your relationship or maybe your partner wanting out is really about your partner, not you. The real you is a person of value, dignity and great worth.

A lot of folks don’t get this and have allowed a breakup to define who they really are. The point is, you existed before your relationship and you are still here now so if you allow someone to tell you that the sum total of your life is based in a relationship, you will slowly spiral out of control and might end up behaving in ways that can really threatened your well-being.

A lot of people have low self worth. Attach a breakup to this and many may feel like causing themselves harm. This is self hatred. You are attaching your “self” to someone wanting and desiring you and making it the sum total of your existence as a human being.

There is one of many profound lessons that I have learned through life that I have applied while dealing with my breakup:

“If you are successful, you will have a lot of people trying to get a piece of you. They don’t want a piece of you until you have something. If you let success get to your head and believe that these people got you there, then you’re making a big mistake. Be polite while you’re on your way to the top but remember people come and people go. Don’t ever let people or success define you.”

Now this is not based in sarcasm but truth. Who you are is a creature of magnificent virtue. With this endowment comes great power: The ability to accept or reject how you will feel.

You cannot be defined by what happens to you unless you choose. Have a safe and enjoyable holiday season and all the best for the New Year!

I believe in you,

Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help you find emotional freedom in the midst of your breakup. Visit for more strategies and to read samples from her book.

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