Overwhelmed by the feelings of being rejected and abandoned when a partner wants out, we usually try to do everything to keep from feeling further pain. The number one mistake many make is moving even more towards a partner when a partner is moving away.
It is not easy to deal with the pain of the end of a relationship. I read over and over how many try to save their relationships when their partners have one foot already out the door. Using traditional methods like trying to seek help for the relationship often fail.
Anything that appears to have a “saving” tactic attached to it will make you appear weak and insecure. These aren’t attractive qualities. You may believe that you are doing the right thing…and there’s no doubt that you have good intentions. Weakness and Insecurity does not have the same measure of RESPECT like Strength and Confidence.
When you try to beg, criticize, promise to change, or get family and friends involved in trying to coerce your partner to value your relationship as much as you do, you are not having respect for yourself and therefore your partner cannot respect you.
In order to be attractive, you must have respect for yourself which means agreeing with your partner’s decision to want out of your relationship – Your Emotions Can’t Understand This!
You will appear more attractive if you are strong. Allowing your emotions to pay the price of moving away from your partner will make you fair better in the long haul. You will not want to believe this because more than likely you really WANT your relationship and you may believe that you will lose more if you let go.
It doesn’t make sense to you right now but you’ve got to do what works instead of relying on your feelings. You can’t convince your feelings to agree that letting go will work the best for you.
I am by no means discounting that you need to heal from this pain because I have been where you are. Healing will not begin if you stay in the pit. Dragging yourself around at the mercies of your partner’s continual rejection will cause you to lose more of your self.
Your partner will wonder with amazement when he/she see strength in action:
- Accepting his/her decision
- Letting him/her go
- Keeping your distance
- Focusing on yourself
But many do not want t to understand these principles and why they work. They still spend hundreds or thousands of dollars trying to put life back into the end of their relationship. If you really want your partner’s respect, learn to love yourself enough to be happy with or without him/her.
When I began loving myself enough to pull away from my ex-husband, I began to feel angry, bitter and resentful. I didn’t want to be FORCED to let go. I felt that I should not have had to choose that.
But the more of me I loved, the less I wanted a relationship with him and the MORE attractive, happier and secure I felt. When I no longer NEEDED the marriage to validate my self worth, I felt like a million bucks.
I felt like a prisoner set free – free to no longer “need” and this is the place of true power. If it worked for me, it can work for you. Be the winner that you are and do what works!
Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help you find emotional freedom in the midst of your relationship breakup. Visit http://www.whenyourpartnerwantsout.com/ to learn even more strategies and read samples from her ebook.