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To SAVE the Day

One of the many reasons people give for wanting to save their relationship when a partner wants out is they don’t want to feel like they too have given up on the relationship. Faced with losing your identity of no longer being a couple, you could be trying to hold your relationship together.

Hearing the news of someone you love wanting to leave you is devastating. When this happens, You may feel like a failure and experience anger, depression, feeling abandoned and rejected. Because the relationship is slipping away, you may try to “grab” at it with saving tactics that will cause you to feel more like a failure.

When you grab at someone who wants to move in another direction, you will get friction. The leaving partner may get angrier and the pleading partner may eventually lose dignity and self respect.

So why don’t I advocate trying to SAVE your relationship?

Simply, you should at this point try to save yourself. Be brave enough to face the reasons within you that contributed to having a failed relationship. You cannot build on a poor foundation.

More than likely, you have already communicated to your partner that you want your relationship back. You both know where you stand. You are on opposite ends and the only power you have is to work on you. Accept that you only have power over yourself. Your partner may or may not decide to return.

I have read about many who try to “work” on a relationship by trying to do everything in their power to pull the leaving partner back in. This often backfires because it triggers the leaving partner to pity the pleading partner. When this happens, the pleading partner will appear less attractive. Strength like acceptance is attractive and weakness like begging repels.

The greatest influence you may have over your partner is when you do nothing. Something like, “So you want to leave?” OK, wish you all the best.” Can’t tell you how good it feels when you get to the place where you’re OK with it.

If you try to gain points by “SAVING” the day, more than likely, you will end up losing yourself and pushing your partner even further away.

Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help you find emotional freedom in the midst of your relationship breakup.Visit for more strategies and to read samples from her book.

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