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What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out

One of the fatal mistakes individuals make when a partner wants to leave a relationship is to try to save it. Trying to save your relationship will make you appear weak and insecure leaving your partner to have even more disrespect for you.

I am a 33 year old mom and my husband left me with our two young children just 8 years after we were married. I didn't see it coming. I was horrified. I thought that everything was ok with us. I immediately tried to convince him what a bad idea it was for him to want to leave me. I sought help online, wanted us to go to counseling, read pages and pages of books and turned to my family and friends for help. After trying for months to save my marriage, a lightbulb went on and I finally understood why what I was doing was not working for me.

Moving towards a partner is what many will instinctively do. Many will beg, manipulate, cry, whine, promise to change, try to convince he/she to go to counseling and most of these "saving" techniques will not work. Facing such a devastating time in one's life, our emotions naturally want to pull us in a direction that will lessen the pain.

If you try to move towards your partner, you will actually lose yourself. The more you focus on your partner, the less your partner will focus on you. If you focus on the relationship, your partner will turn away from it. If you focus on yourself and work on your self image and respect, you may have a renewed respect from your partner.

The best advice is to let your partner go. You may not be ready to hear this because you may believe that it is too much to lose if you give up on your relationship. More than likely you will search for help to validate your reasons for holding on. I have been there and struggled with not wanting to give up. I didn't want to give up on my family or my husband and thought that since it appeared that I was losing everything, to give up would crush me completely.

The more I held on, the more disrespect I faced and the more my self image suffered. I became a complete doormat and did what I thought were "loving" things, not knowing that this was triggering a deeper disrespect within my husband. I accommodated, gave gifts, appeased, and operated from my pain instead of from a place of self love. And after all of this, I still felt empty and my relationship with my husband was no better than it was the day he told me he wanted to go. When I decided to risk letting go, I became angry, bitter, and resentful and this cycle continued for months because deep on the inside I still wanted to fight. But after feeling all of the pain and hurt by letting go, I slowly became happier and more secure.

I was no longer on an emotional roller coaster and wrote an ebook to help people know what to do when faced with a relationship breakup.

There are strategies, that if followed, will leave you more attractive, happy, and secure. You will grow to have a new level of confidence that you've never dreamed. When you learn to do what works, you're on your way to becoming unstoppable!

Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help you find emotional freedom in the midst of your relationship breakup.
Visit to learn even more strategies and read samples from her ebook.

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