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Compulsion of a strange kind

Your breakup could be the biggest test of your character revealing who you really are. If you are desperate to get back with your ex or dealing with anger, you may feel compelled to act in ways that are disturbing and regrettable.

Stalking, snooping, acts of rage, signs of jealously if your ex is with someone else, and revenge are absolute no-no’s and will only put you on the most wanted list if you feel compelled to act on these behaviors.

The ugly part of you will want to come to the surface because you may feel cut up and bruised by someone no longer wanting to be with you. We all have the potential to get really ugly. We may behave nice when we are getting our way but the moment we begin to feel that we no longer have control is when things can really go from bad to worse.

People who choose to be ugly inflict their rage on others, hurting others because they are hurt. Instead of dealing with pain and finding ways to heal, they go out of control and cause devastation in the lives of others. The key dealing with your breakup is to find ways to unmask the pain in a way that rids you of it without hurting others in the process.

Deal with deep unresolved issues and find a way to move on. It will not serve you to call up your ex, nor try to contact the new person in his/her life, nor try to get back at him/her because your relationship is now over.

Your ex leaving you is no mistake. You may really want to get back together, but for what? So he/she can keep the power in the relationship and have you always feeling insecure about the possibility of walking out again?

Don’t give into compulsion and fight for yourself instead of your ex.

Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help you find emotional freedom in the midst of your breakup. Visit for more strategies and to read samples from her book.

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