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Why Saving Your Relationship Could Harm You

When my husband of 8 years told me that he wanted out of our marriage, I was shocked and horrified. I thought everything was OK with us. I didn’t see it coming. I began trying to convince him that he should not do this to our family and nothing I was doing was working.

I felt that I was doing the “right” thing by wanting to save my marriage and I didn’t want my children to deal with the devastating effects of having their family ripped apart so I appeased, accommodated, promised to change, placed my needs last because I thought that this was what I was supposed to do.

After months of trying, a light bulb went on and I finally “got” why all of what I was doing was not working for me.

You may believe that you should do all you can to save your relationship when your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend wants out of it…..but all you may be doing could cause you to lose yourself in the process.

It’s human nature to turn away from weakness and to admire strength. When you beg, promise to change, whine, nag, get angry or threaten your partner who wants out, you will appear weak and less attractive.

It’s hard for many who are faced with the ending of their relationship to face this FACT. But more than likely, you did not manipulate your partner into having a relationship with you. So it is not in your best interest to grovel now.

Many will try to spoon feed you the idea of trying to save your relationship in the midst of your own pain. There are more than enough folks out there who will promise you that they can help you save your relationship.

The FACT is…..until you face the reasons why your relationship ended and begin reconnecting with yourself on a much deeper level, you will get nowhere.

If you take the easy road, you may end up convincing someone who no longer wants to have a relationship with you to stay. This is a gross form of manipulation and rarely works. The most valued gift we have is our free will and it usually does not take violation without a price.

The road of a true champion is to get straight with you. What is it about you that was unable to keep a thriving relationship? How did you help to CREATE the conditions for your partner to leave you?

Winners do what it takes to dig deep and build right. Holding onto the pain of rejection and abandonment will keep you in the swamp. Trying to hold something to you will actually push it further away. If you keep trying you will drive yourself further and further into self pity. You must portray that you took a whipping but you will keep on ticking.

Learn how to come up to a NEW level of confidence and you could be on your way to becoming unstoppable.

There are strategies that if followed, really work. I became more attractive, happier and more secure. I didn’t have to pay hundreds of dollars because all that I needed was actually within me. You could unleash a new way of thinking causing you to be virtually unrecognizable to your partner.

Nicole Gayle is the author of the e-book, “What to Do When Your Partner Wants out,” written to help you find emotional freedom in the midst of your relationship breakup. Visit to learn even more strategies and read samples from her book.

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