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Handle your drifting partner with tough love

Your relationship may be in a crisis and you may feel as though you are about to lose everything. You may want to try to save it by reasoning with your partner, promising to change, begging, or telling him/her “I love you” consistently hoping that this will help to convince your partner to stay.

If you’re feeling hopeless because you’ve tried everything, maybe you haven’t tried “Tough Love.” This is about taking a stand without pursuing or tolerating blatant disrespect.

What will get his/her attention is when you make it known that you also agree that the relationship has come to a crossroads then act as if you will be OK if he/she leaves. Say something like, “If you want to go, its fine by me. We’ve had some good times. I really love you and I will miss you. I will be OK.” It's up to you what method you use to communicate this but it must be done with confidence.

The fear of losing will creep inside and you may even get angry at yourself or your drifting partner but it is only because you believe that if you hold onto him/her you will eventually convince your partner about how truly valuable your relationship is.

So your mind will try to keep you in pain by giving you all of the reasons why telling your partner to go will hurt you more. The truth is, it will hurt you more if you keep holding on. You will lose your dignity and self respect.

When you let go, you have the possibility of winning your partner back. But it won’t happen until you let go.

Because holding on will cause you to react from your own pain. When you react from your own pain (doing things like: begging, whining, complaining, criticizing, promising to change etc.) your pain will repel your partner instead of draw him/her to you.

So you need to take a stand by having the attitude of, “It doesn’t matter what happens from here, I will be OK. I will not beg someone to want me.” Draw the line, live with conviction, and do it with guts.

When you do, do not go back to being the convincer or pursuer. You will not be taken seriously. This is why your words and actions must match.

Your emotions may want to sabotage by going back into self pity. Self pity will cause you to act desperate, needy and clingy. Your partner will subconsciously pity you and this is not what you want. You want to appear confident and happy in spite of your partners’ actions. You may be hurting and it quite normal to feel depressed, devastated etc. but you must carry yourself with confidence and respect.

Keep your power and remain unmoved in the midst of it all. You’re stronger than you think!

Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What To Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help you find emotional freedom while dealing with your breakup. Get instant download now at

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