You trusted this person to love you forever but when you hear that your relationship has reached its end, you must no longer place your trust in the relationship or the one you love.
I reacted for months on pure emotions instead of logic. The stress of my breakup caused me to be unable to make decisions that was right for me. I was also so busy trying to get my marriage back that I actually short changed myself. You must make yourself and your children(if you have any) your number 1 priority - it's not selfish, it's just wise.
When we are hurting, we want to reach out to the people we believe care about us. You need trust to build true intimacy and when a relationship is broken, it puts trust in jeopardy. Your ex or soon to be ex cannot be your rock. You relied on this person to be there for you and instinctly, you'll want to keep the emotional connection alive. But you cannot let this person know all about what your plans are during your breakup. He/she should be on a need to know basis. At this point, your contact should be minimal. You may have already made the mistake of sharing too much information which could backfire in the future.
You must surround yourself with a network of people who can help you deal with the emotional trauma of abandonment. Dont pour out your heart and soul to someone who no longer wants to share your life.
I'm not advocating that you start a war with this person. Face the truth that you're on different teams now and making decisions that are in your best interest is what you need to do to protect yourself.
Think: Just in case.
Always get the advice of wise counsel before agreeing to anything that your ex or soon to be wants. Don't just go along because you once had a relationship together or being nice will help change his/her mind. You could be shocked to know that you're left with nothing because you thought you trusted this person - just as you thought you trusted this person to love you forever.
The bottom line is: you can't trust a heart that wants to abandon you or one that has betrayed you. When it's difficult to make decision, rely on those who can help guide you so that you're not left completely stripped and empty handed.
Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What To Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written after the breakup of her marriage of 8 years. Nicole recently appeared on City TV's Breakfast Television to talk about her book. http://www.citytv.com/. Get instant download at http://www.whenyourpartnerwantsout.com/.
Why you can no longer trust the person who wants out
Show the one who wants out the door
When someone says, “I love you but I’m not in love with you,” it means he/she no longer feels enough emotional connection and wants to be free. Most people respond by trying to convince the one they love to stay.
There is a psychological component to this message. It means that he/she feels trapped. On a much deeper level, your partner is telling you that your relationship is no longer working. When a relationship stops working it is because of a loss of respect. When we have respect for something, we value it. We hold it in high regard. We admire it.
When you respect yourself, you will show your partner the door. If you try to hold onto the one you love, you will only face more disrespect. He/she may throw their weight around, refuse from coming home at expected times, may be engaged in an emotional affair with a “friend” or it could be as blatant as cheating on you right in front of your face.
And are you going to sit there and tell me that you love your partner and still want to hold onto him/her even though you are being faced with disrespect? You may love him/her but you need to draw the line. Your partner wants you to do the respectful thing and tell him/her enough!
When you respect yourself, you say things like:
“I love you but I will not put up with this. It’s all or nothing!”
“I want our relationship but I will not tolerate this sort of disrespect, you need to leave.”
“I agree that our relationship isn’t working and want you to go.”
“You can either stay here and work it out with me, or go find the happiness that you want.”
When you do not respect yourself, you say things like:
“Please don’t leave me/us.”
“We need you.”
“We need to go to counseling”
“Can’t you see what this will do to our kids?”
“It’s my fault. I’m sorry I didn’t do enough of ______________
“I love you. I love you. I love you.”
“I promise I will change.”
Can you see the difference? Having respect for yourself is where you need to start. If you have communicated with respect and your partner still wants to go, help your partner pack and let him/her know by your actions that you’re worth more than begging. You can only have a real relationship when you have respect for yourself and when your partner respects you.
Nicole Gayle is the Author of the ebook, "What To Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written after the breakup of her marriage of 8 years. Nicole recently appeared on City TV's Breakfast Television to talk about her book. www.citytv.com. Get instant download at www.whenyourpartnerwantsout.com
The only way through the pain of your breakup
It is excruciatingly difficult to let go when we feel that someone has done us wrong. We want our pain acknowledged and we want the offending partner to apologize for harming us and have deep remorse over it. Our hurt can turn into anger, bitterness, and resentment causing us to go around in circles looking for answers at why anyone would cause us so much pain.
Sometimes we hear the words, "I’m sorry." The person who has caused the offense feels deeply remorseful over hurting us and would never intentionally hurt us again. But what happens when your pain isn’t acknowledged? What happens when the person who broke your heart feels that he/she has done nothing wrong and continues to do the things that causes you to feel hurt?
It’s hard to live with knowing that someone else could walk out on you, or cheat on you, or willingly lie, or steal, or abandon your kids, or abuse you emotionally/physically without feeling guilty enough to make it right.
You may sit and wonder how this person can live with his/her conscience when they have ripped your heart out. More than likely you cannot imagine that the one you once love could ever hurt you this way.
But it happens and while your heart feels shattered, you can’t make him/her see your pain because people pity pain. You definitely don’t want to be treated like a poor little dog whimpering at someone stepping on his tail.
You should grieve and heal outside the offenders space because this person may feel justified to hurt you this way. He/she may have subconsciously punished you to try to even the score or you may have allowed yourself to be victimized because you wanted what this person couldn’t give you.
Guilt is a check point in our emotions when we have done something wrong and it usually leads us to be remorseful and helps us try to make things right. But if the person who hurt you don’t feel guilty even after your have expressed your pain, how can you then try to awaken a dead conscience?
The best way and only way through your pain is forgiveness. Forgiving means that you choose to let the other person go from being tied to you causing even more bitterness and resentment from eating you away at the core.
It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have boundaries. It doesn’t mean that you should trust this person again. It doesn’t mean that you have to be in a relationship with this individual again. It means you choosing to release this person from having further control over causing you more pain by you holding on.
It will serve you more when you can begin to practice forgiving yourself and forgiving others as it helps you to heal from living like a prisoner in pain.
Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What To Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written after the breakup of her marriage of 8 years. Nicole recently appeared on City TV's Breakfast Television to talk about her book. www.citytv.com.
Get instant download now at www.whenyourpartnerwantsout.com and subscribe to this blog
Why you can’t save your relationship until you save yourself
Are you reacting out of panic because the one you love is drifting away? What you do from this moment can either lead you down a path with even more pain or could possible restore your relationship.
When most people attempt to save a relationship they will do things like dragging the unwilling partner to counseling, reasoning, bargaining, promising to change or try to pacify their partners while living in fear that their partners is moving further away.
The key to the possibility of restoring your relationship is internal change. This means you have to stop reacting to your partner’s behavior and get off of the emotional roller coaster.
Get out of your partners space and out of your partners face. Stop hijacking. The reason why all of what you are doing is not working is because anything that resembles trying to change your partners mind is seen as nagging which equates to weakness. If you remain weak by trying to be rational with your partner’s way of thinking, he/she will find you less attractive and will be triggered to get away from you.
If you are seen as a strong, secure and confident person who does not hold your partner hostage then he/she will be triggered to respect you. Respect is the key to influencing a drifting partner.
When you decide to save yourself, you will have enough guts to change your inner world and take yourself to the next level of personal growth. When you change, you will be seen from a new perspective and you will have the ability to change your environment.
No easy way about it. It is not what your partner does, but what you do that counts. You have the power within to create. And you have to decide whether you will demand more of yourself this year or accept mediocrity. Grow into being a person who is not moved by what someone else does.
Save yourself and rule your life.
Nicole Gayle is the Author of the e-book, What To Do When Your Partner Wants Out,” written to help you deal with your breakup. Visit www.whenyourpartnerwantsout.com for instant download.
The simplicity of fixing a failing relationship
If your relationship has been hit by a tornado where you have both grown apart, then there is a simple way to reignite the flame you once had for each other.
You must first understand these key principles:
1. You cannot change anyone.
2. No one is responsible for your happiness except you.
3. You are born to create, so you can manifest anything if you really have the desire for it.
Unless you have some very major issues like addiction or abuse in your relationship, you can take your life to the next level if you really want to.
The question is, "How bad do you really want it?" and "What are you willing to give up to get it?"
There are many who sit around wishfully hoping that some day their partners will get it and instantly give them what they have always wanted. This is a convenient way to live because it takes away the fact that in order to get anything in life that you really want, it has to start with you.
If you choose to settle for a mediocre relationship by constantly nagging and whining about what your partner may or may not be doing then you will live a powerless and helpless life completely at the mercies of how your partner choose to live his/her life.
But if you really understood that you are in the circumstances that you are presently in because you created it, then you it will be easier for you to recreate what it is that you really want.
Many people will get out of a relationship because they don’t want to really face themselves. They think their partners have failed them or is not properly meeting their needs. They choose to fix the situation by moving on with hopes of finding something that they believe will work.
And what a complete shock it is to find out that even after moving on from the relationship that they believe was not working for them, that they are still hurting and unhappy.
Because the problems that were present in the context of their relationships were within them. It is often not what’s on the outside but what is from within.
If you are shifting the blame to your partner, you are making a huge mistake. You need to change. You need to have a true awakening. You need to rise to a new level.
When you do, you will literally be like a magnet and lift everything around you to the level that you are. Your partner is only responding to who you truly are inside. If you were to change your script, you will get a different response.
And you may not see the results that you are looking for right away. It may take time. But it is difficult for people to remain unchanged in an environment that has. Here are some tips to help you with change:
1. Write out your life purpose and mission.
2. Set 5 goals that you would like to accomplish. Your number one goal should be personal growth and development. Start immediately to work on this.
3. You cannot be successful without persistence. It takes persistence to win.
4. If you want the reward, you must pay the price.
5. Focus on the big picture. What is it that you love about your partner? What are your family values and are you living them?
6. Begin by giving what you want. You must sow in order to reap.
Move away from trying to change your partner. Change yourself and you will be able to effect lasting change.
Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What To Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written after the breakup of her marriage of 8 years. Her ebook helps you to find emotional freedom if you are dealing with a breakup. Visit www.whenyourpartnerwantsout.com and subscribe to blog, www.whenyourpartnerwantsout.blogspot.com
What to do when the one you love is drifting away
The one you love may have hinted in a subtle or very obvious way that he/she wants to leave your relationship. You may be looking for answers to know how to handle a partner who may have indicated that he/she wants to move on without you.
When something is drifting, our natural instincts is to try to pull it towards us. It is natural to try to save your relationship because you love your partner and want for the two of you to be together.
But trying to pull your partner towards you will not work to revive your relationship. The number 1 reason counseling often fails is that it often deals with surface issues. You are encouraged to talk about the problems by going around in circles and clashing up against the history of negative tendencies in your relationship along with your partners personal negative scripts. Many are told to demand that someone else change and meet their needs.
When you go face to face with your partner about all of the things that he/she may have done or currently doing wrong, the natural reaction for your partner is to get defensive. When someone is on the defensive, you are not on the same team.
You must get on the offensive and getting there means facing your own scripts. You are the reason why you’re not having a great relationship and the same is true of your partner. What if you get a real life by determining that you are going to create a great life for yourself and rise above the current pain of wanting someone to make you happy?
Take yourself to the next level by making this year become the year that you get up and do something so incredible that your actions will speak louder than your words.
Influence your partner by having a true personal awaking and dealing with the negative scripts within you that you allow to manifest in a less than great relationship.
Do not have a mediocre status quo life. Have a wildly successful life. Make no more excuses.
Change your life and everything around you will change.
Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What To Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written after the breakup of her marriage of 8 years. Nicole recently appeared on City TV's Breakfast Television to talk about her book. www.citytv.com
For instant download, visit www.whenyourpartnerwantsout.com
If you were abandoned, get up and fight!
You may be wallowing in the pain of having a broken heart but sooner or later you have to give yourself permission to start to heal. Hanging on to your pain will cause you to become a toxic mess.
You have to take responsibility for how your life choices have brought you to the place where you are now without beating yourself up. When I was faced with the breakup of my marriage of 8 years, I also had to face some really tough questions. It was so much easier for me to sit and pity myself for months.
You know that something in you attracted this mess. You know that you let yourself go and settled for less than you deserved and this is the reason why you are where you are now. You may or may not have had the knowledge to choose something better for yourself when you got involved with the person who broke your heart. Don’t beat yourself up for it; do something great….change that script.
Face the reality that you choose the wrong person and don’t you try to hang onto brokenness. Instead of moving towards dysfunction, choose to pursue inner healing to become a whole person.
If you try to get back with the person who broke your heart, you are once again going around in a maze, avoiding the fact that you have a bleeding soul. When you are whole, you can choose things that are alive and thriving. You don’t have to work for it, nor slave to keep it.
Stand up for yourself and accept nothing but the best for your life. Get yourself out of years and years of bad patterns. What I mean is that more than likely, it is not the first time you choose someone who would abandon you.
Choosing a spirit that can’t keep a promise but changes when it is only convenient is something that you learned how to do. Do something big this year by demanding more of yourself and for yourself. Stretch to new heights. Figure out why you choose abandoning spirits and work on the part of you that needs to heal.
Happy New Year! Make 2008 the best yet.
Nicole Gayle is the author of the e-book, "What To Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written after the breakup of her marriage of 8 years. The e-book helps people find emotional freedom leading them to become more attractive, happy, and secure. Get Instant Download at www.whenyourparterwantsout.com
Subscribe to blog at www.whenyourpartnerwantsout.blogspot.com
