Email Newsletter icon, E-mail Newsletter icon, Email List icon, E-mail List icon Sign up for my FREE Email Newsletter
For Email Marketing you can trust

Subscribe via email

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner

The only way through the pain of your breakup

It is excruciatingly difficult to let go when we feel that someone has done us wrong. We want our pain acknowledged and we want the offending partner to apologize for harming us and have deep remorse over it. Our hurt can turn into anger, bitterness, and resentment causing us to go around in circles looking for answers at why anyone would cause us so much pain.

Sometimes we hear the words, "I’m sorry." The person who has caused the offense feels deeply remorseful over hurting us and would never intentionally hurt us again. But what happens when your pain isn’t acknowledged? What happens when the person who broke your heart feels that he/she has done nothing wrong and continues to do the things that causes you to feel hurt?

It’s hard to live with knowing that someone else could walk out on you, or cheat on you, or willingly lie, or steal, or abandon your kids, or abuse you emotionally/physically without feeling guilty enough to make it right.

You may sit and wonder how this person can live with his/her conscience when they have ripped your heart out. More than likely you cannot imagine that the one you once love could ever hurt you this way.

But it happens and while your heart feels shattered, you can’t make him/her see your pain because people pity pain. You definitely don’t want to be treated like a poor little dog whimpering at someone stepping on his tail.

You should grieve and heal outside the offenders space because this person may feel justified to hurt you this way. He/she may have subconsciously punished you to try to even the score or you may have allowed yourself to be victimized because you wanted what this person couldn’t give you.

Guilt is a check point in our emotions when we have done something wrong and it usually leads us to be remorseful and helps us try to make things right. But if the person who hurt you don’t feel guilty even after your have expressed your pain, how can you then try to awaken a dead conscience?

The best way and only way through your pain is forgiveness. Forgiving means that you choose to let the other person go from being tied to you causing even more bitterness and resentment from eating you away at the core.

It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have boundaries. It doesn’t mean that you should trust this person again. It doesn’t mean that you have to be in a relationship with this individual again. It means you choosing to release this person from having further control over causing you more pain by you holding on.

It will serve you more when you can begin to practice forgiving yourself and forgiving others as it helps you to heal from living like a prisoner in pain.

Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What To Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written after the breakup of her marriage of 8 years. Nicole recently appeared on City TV's Breakfast Television to talk about her book.

Get instant download now at and subscribe to this blog

No comments: