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What To Do When You're Facing A Breakup

My breakup was BAD – I mean bad and real ugly. I didn’t see it coming. As a matter of fact, I had gone through a pretty bad pregnancy and gave birth to my second child. By the time he was born, I couldn’t even walk for about a month because I was in so much pain from a dislocated pelvis.

Being off work and having my second child, I was receiving maternity benefits – barely anything to live off of. When my son was 10 months, my husband told me he wanted out.

Can you imagine what that’s like? Having a 10 old month baby, a daughter who just turned 5 and facing being a single parent?

I was shocked and horrified and extremely devastated. I couldn’t eat for days. My fear of being faced with being a single income parent and the future of my children caused me to beg him for weeks to reconsider, but to no avail. I tried to convince him to change his mind, asked for us to go to counseling, went to the library to get books to help us, showed him what the stats are on kids and divorce, promise I would do whatever it took to make him happy, dropped all what I was doing to give him my full and undivided attention but nothing worked.

Why? I didn’t realize then that trying to go against the will of someone actually trigger them to move away from you even further. Begging is repulsive and unattractive. I thought that I was doing the right thing to want to save my marriage at all cost. I didn’t want a broken family.

What I should have done when I heard the news was to immediately book a trip and take a vacation alone to sort out what my life would be after this kind of shock. This sort of behavior – moving away from someone who wants to move away from you – is what actually works to build one’s confidence and self respect after hearing this kind of news and in some relationships pulls the drifting partner back in.

You have to mirror your partner’s behavior. No trapping. Your attitude must be, “Whatever you want to do, do it.” If he/she wants to move out of your home, let go. If he/she wants a divorce, be the first to file. If he/she wants to see other people, start going out on dates. Do exactly what your partner wants to do and it will reveal to you the truth of what is really in your partner’s heart. It will also cause you to take the high road instead of living like a beggar on the streets – begging someone to love you.

Your conscious mind won’t be able to wrap itself around this but it’s what you actually need to force yourself to do. There’s no guarantee that you will save your relationship but because I’ve been there, I know that if you continue begging you could lose yourself.

Nicole Gayle is the author of the ebook, "What to Do When Your Partner Wants Out," written to help you become more attractive, happier and secure when faced with a breakup. Learn how to do what actually works for you instead of against you. Get instant download at

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